When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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