He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
