I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
