Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
