how can u be prego again
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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