Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
