Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
