Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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