when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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