Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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