Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
