So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
