1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
