Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
we should paint friendship bongs
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