I wish I could teleport
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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