i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
