he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
