I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
