70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
