I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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