My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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