put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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