She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
