you're like a bully in the Christmas story
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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