non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
