I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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