How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
