they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
