GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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