You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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