i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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