I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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