After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
