I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
