Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
