I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
