doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
