Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
