I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
