you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
