hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
