I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
