Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
