The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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