Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
