I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
