two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
