I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
