What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
