he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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