I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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